Monday, February 7, 2011


Just a few hours ago, I had a very sad dream. Not a nightmare, but a sad dream. I was within a community which looked like my grams' neighbourhood. However, people from all parts of my life lived in there. There was that old granny who used to hang out in my mother's old house for years. There was an old bully from school, who now is a friend and we chat often on Facebook. There was my housemate from the present house I'm living at which I am renting. There was this plump girl from a shopping mall who my sarcastic uncle once sarcastically abused. There were international students from the college I'm now studying at. There were even some little babies from different countries brought in by someone to adopt them. It was just random.

For some reason, I was hiding away from everyone. It didn't seem clear why. I was hiding in a large bathroom styled after the one at my old primary school, St. George's School in Taiping. However, the bathroom itself was located in a building that looked like the boys hostel of my teacher training college in Sabah. I was eventually found by the bully-now-turned-friend. But he didn't attack me or anything. He and his friends just came there to take pictures. Then, I left for the living room of my grams' house.

All of a sudden, there were arguments on someone making fun of another person's dead mother. Then there was a big issue on someone having been sexually harassed. An international student came over and he demanded to know who the culprit was, giving the impression the victim was his loved one. Then a big fight occurred.

Now here is the funny part. It suddenly became clear why I was hiding and why I was not clear or anything. It was not just because it was dream where everything is vague, it was because I was in somebody else's body and mind - looking out at the world from his perspective. Or was I myself? I cannot really tell...

During the fight, I suddenly remembered how mean that granny from my mum's old house could be. She might take advatage to harm the adoptive babies since they're not of her race. I suddenly went over and pushed her. She yelled and cursed at me for doing so. I was suddenly in control of my body and told her not to harm the babies.

Then everything blacked out....

I suppose most of us, even me, in the house had died. I was know watching everything somewhat like watching TV. Grams house was now in rumbles. Surprisingly, the only people alive were the old granny and one of the foreign babies - one from Latin America. The baby was crying uncontrollably, as if it understood the tragedy that had just happened.

The old granny, with tears in her eyes, got up despite the pain she was feeling, and carried the crying baby of into the midst. I then understood that she was going to start caring for the baby like her own... proving I was wrong.

There was another person alive - the international student who came into the living room earlier. He seemed to have joined the army and was going to war. But he was weeping terribly as he was brought into the battlefield. I still failed to figure him out.

The old granny - in real life she is a drunkard, who loves to gamble, and sold Bombay mix for a living. She lives at the foot of Maxwell Hill. Her daughter married some rich Scottish man and hardly paid her old mother a visit, or even sent money I think. The granny was always at my mother's old house. It was my grandparents who mostly provided her with food. My uncles and aunts disliked her because of her rudeness and at time harsh remarks towards them during their childhood. But forget the old granny. I mean, who she really is in real life.

What she did in my dream sequence was absolutely admirable. Despite her old age, and her justified hatred towards foreigners, considering that her daughter was married to one and somehow 'stole' her child away from her... the granny put her feelings aside and decided to care for that baby.

This suddenly made me remember my own grams... the one whose house that belonged to.

Ever since grandpa died more than ten years ago, grams had been very much alone. Even if she came with us for dinner outside or anything of that sort, she would sit alone and think to herself. Her own children and children-in-laws would mostly be preoccupied talking about their work, how bad their children are... blah...blah...blah... Grams would mostly be alone.

But grams loved watching her grandchildren play. It would bring such delight to her eyes. She must be close to ninety now. She walks slowly, she has trouble urinating, she walks very closely, her hearing is not as sharp... but unlike grandpa who suffered from severe Alzheimer, grams is still mentally fit and has an excellent memory. Sometimes when even I forget something, she remembers it clearly. I always admire it for that.

Despite her old age, she never complains about anything. If her grandchildren messes up something, she cleans it up quickly before the other grown-ups come and punish her grandchildren. She always has nice thing to say about us, even when our parents can only see our weaknesses.

She loves cooking for us. Each time I come over during term breaks, she cooks me all my favourite dishes. Taking care of us is never a burden for her. After raising six children, she shows no signs of stopping from being a mum. She still cares for her grandchildren with such motherly affection.